fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I am midnight drunk by noon
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
