There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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