if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
