the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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