I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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