Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
