I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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