I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You are a booty call, not a friend.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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