My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
