Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
