im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Swine flu is the new snow day.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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