dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
