Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
