I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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