i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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