Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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