he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
