I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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