i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
