the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
