I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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