last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
