I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
