I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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