Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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