As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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