I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
