Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Everything about him screamed your future.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
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