You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
you would pick up someone in the library
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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