WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize