Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
