Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize