Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
