I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
