I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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