he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
