I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Randomize
