I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
