was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
