Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
