Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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