so explain again why im purple
no
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
