just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
