You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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