that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
