What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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