i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
