It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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