Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize