So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I want a musical about memes.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
