Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
