maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
