i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Banned from zoo.
Again?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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