Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
