You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
