So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
