you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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