I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
