is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
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