What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
