jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
