I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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