How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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